Church Appoints Gay Bishops

The Church of England has this week appointed the first openly gay man as the new Bishop of Reading, Canon Dr Jeffrey John.

Not a fortnight ago, the Anglican Episcopalians in the US state of New Hampshire also appointed their first openly gay bishop, Gene Robinson.

It's An Outrage!!

Let's get this straight right from the start; I do not consider myself to be homophobic in any way. I don't believe that homosexuals should be prevented from holding positions in the Church, and the actual fact of their appointment is not what's outrageous to me.

Both men are said to be more than qualified to perform the role of bishop, and are highly recommended and supported by their appointers; their suitability per se to do the role is not in question here.

What is outrageous to me is that the Church has a definite, vociferously held and age old standpoint on homosexual men, and the Bible lays it out fairly clearly;

• Leviticus 20:13 If a man also lie with mankind, as he lieth with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination: they shall surely be put to death; their blood shall be upon them.

It would therefore appear that the Anglican Church on both sides of the Atlantic has happily appointed a pair of 'abominations' to look after their flocks.

I'm wary that this will sound all wrong, that I will look like I'm aiming this at the bishops themsleves, but I'm not; let's take another analogy to try and set this straight.

The rules that the police govern themselves by and are employed to uphold for the public ("the Law") says that murder is very wrong. You're therefore never going to see a murderer appointed as a Chief Constable, as this would undermine the very foundation of the police, and anarchy would rule.
However the rules that the Church govern themselves by and are employed to uphold for the public ("the Bible") says that homosexuality is very wrong, but they've appointed anyway with no heed or creedance to those rules.

So what I just can't understand is what that means to the establishment of the Church itself, the faith its followers put in the Bible (which is after all the word of our Lord), and the centuries-old underpinning principles of Christianity. I can't accept that these appointments have been made without any attempt to justify how this can be. To my mind, the Church is saying either the Bible is irrelevant, or God was wrong. Both of which are fairly earth-shattering (and humanly arrogant) statements that shouldn't just be side-stepped.

I really hope we're moving towards a more enlightened religious philosophy, but at the minute it seems like a hell of a contradiction. Can we now decide, with the approval of the Church, which of the teachings of the Bible we live by or disregard? And can we soon expect to see an adulterer, a murderer and a Buddhist taking up senior positions within the Church?

Liquidising Goldfish is Art

A Danish court has ruled that an art display which invited the public to put live goldfish through a food blender did not constitute cruelty to animals.

The Trapholt Art Museum near Copenhagen displayed an exhibit of goldfish swimming in 10 blenders, with visitors being told they could press the "on" button if they wanted. At least one visitor did, killing two goldfish.

The Chilean-born Danish artist who created the 'piece', Marco Evaristti, was apparently "trying to test visitors' sense of right and wrong". He said he wanted to force people to "do battle with their conscience". The idea was to "place people before a dilemma: to choose between life and death."

When the director of the art museum was fined for cruelty to animals after complaints from campaign group Friends of Animals, he refused to pay and was taken before the courts.

'Expert witnessess' including a vet and a representative from the blender manufacturer testified that the fish would have died instantly, painlessly and 'humanely'. The judge therefore ruled in favour of the art museum on the basis that the fish had not faced prolonged suffering.

It's An Outrage!!

The fact that two goldfish died in a blender is almost irrelevant as far as I'm concerned. What riles me far more is the fact that yet another looper has pulled together something from his deranged mind and managed to pass it off as Art (with a capital A!), and that another looper has then thought it acceptable to put it on display!!

There seems to be a real fear within the intellectual and artistic community of turning round and saying "Well, that's just crap, you're an idiot, take yourself away."

First Damien Hirst's calf in formaldehyde, then Tracey Emmins' unmade bed (complete with with skid-marked sheets, used condoms, and soiled knickers) and now fish in a blender; and these are just the ones we've heard of! No doubt somewhere a skinny, sunken eyed, pasty skinned, unshaven 'artist' with a tortured soul and knitted hat is eating a big hot curry, shitting onto a canvas and calling it an insight to the frailty and existentionalism of man. It'll get entered into the Turner Prize and sold for £££ (or more likely $$$!).

Rodan, Da Vinci, Michelangelo, Turner, Van Gogh, Renoir, Monet etc, etc; that's art, and let the latterday wannabees call me a philistine for saying so. But to quote Al Capp, "[Abstract art is] a product of the untalented, sold by the unprincipled to the utterly bewildered."

There are two saving graces of the fish farce; one is that it didn't go on display in this country, and the second is that we didn't have to pay for the court case!

Stupid Pepsi Cinema Advert

There's a really stupid advert at my local cinema which has been running for the last few months, advertising Pepsi.

It shows two improbably good looking college guys in a loft apartment messing with all sorts of computers, lasers and high tech gadgets.

They are seemingly able to 'pixelise' themselves, that is, change their solid bodies into computer hologram thingies.

They discover this 'cool' ability by sweeping their arms through columns inside their building, then decide to go on a full road test of their new found talent.

This includes;

• jumping through the floor to the apartment below (landing on the bed of a beautiful woman),
  

• jumping out of the wall of the building into a car full of gangsters,
  
• jumping out of there into the road,
  
• having another car (and it's driver) drive right through them,
  
• pushing their heads through the wall of a lingerie store,
  
• rushing through two bouncers into a nightclub,

before finally making their weary way home.

However, to their utter dismay, when they get there they find they can't pick up the cans of Pepsi they left before embarking on their strange and wonderful journey.

It's An Outrage!!

I almost don't know where to start with pulling this ad to pieces, but I'll try!

• how is it that they can jump through their own floor but are stopped by a bed, instead of plummeting to the earth's core (and possibly straight through to the other side of the planet)??

• as above, but the road also stops them after they leap off the bed and through a wall

• as above, but how come they have the ability to stand up at all, anywhere??

• they go straight from broad daylight into a heaving nightclub, then straight back out into broad daylight

• when they get back, even if they could pick up and try to drink the Pepsi, wouldn't they just be pouring it on the floor?

• as above but with food? Wouldn't they starve to death?

Add to this that their biggest disappointment is not the possibility of any of the above happening at any given time, but the fact that they can't drink on over-sweet, tooth rotting, carbonated blend of vegetable extracts, and I find it hard to be 'sold to' by this particular advert.

But nice try - certainly better than the Spice Girls in Pepsi dresses...

Hong Kong Doctor Cleared of Misconduct

Hong Kong surgeon Dr Tung Hiu-ming has been cleared by the Medical Council of any professional misconduct after taking a phone call and discussing buying a new car whilst in the middle of an operation.

Dr Tung took the call as he performed a keyhole colon operation on a taxi driver. The driver, who was conscious at the time and heard the conversation, lodged a complaint after his colon was pierced and he had to undergo further surgery. He recounted at a disciplinary hearing how Dr Tung has discussed a BMW for sale with a caller in a conversation that lasted for several minutes. The original hearing found Dr Tung guilty of serious misconduct (as they bloody well should) and he was banned from promotion and pay rises for five years. The Medical Council findings have now overturned this ruling.

Dr Tung's defence rested on the fact that he had answered his hands-free phone 'accidentally' and that he had immediately told the caller that he was busy and finished the call. The Medical Council dismissed the complainant's case as unreliable because, though conscious, he was nevertheless sedated at the time.

Exactly how do you answer a phone 'accidentally', and why was it not considered relevant that the phone company's records showed the call lasted 15 mins? Yes that's right ... 15 mins! How long does it take to say, "Sorry I'm busy right now inside a man's stomach, I'll have to call you back later"?

Frankly,

It's An Outrage!!

I have been to HK hospitals for the birth of my two sons and there are signs absolutely everywhere asking visitors to switch off mobile phones because they interfere with sensitive medical equipment. Dr Tung presumably knew this, and presumably the operating theatre was full of 'sensitive medical equipment', so why wasn't his phone turned off?

The Medical Council have made an utter mockery of this case, showing their total lack of impartiality, protecting their own against what was disgraceful and unprofessional behaviour by one of their surgeons.

Drunk Driver Sues Employer

A judge in Canada has awarded $200,000 in damages to a woman who crashed her car while driving home drunk from an office party.

The judge found Linda Hunt's employers partly responsible for allowing her to drive in an unfit state because the party she attended had taken place during company time. Since the crash, the woman has been unable to work because of her injuries.

Campaigners against drink-driving welcomed the compensation, saying it sent an important message that alcohol in the workplace should not be allowed.

Employers said it could affect Christmas office parties across Canada.

Normal people however, like you and me, say;

It's An Outrage!!

Followed closely by "For Christ's sake, get a grip!!"

This woman poured her own drinks down her own throat under her own free will, then of her own violation tried to drive home. Her employers had nothing to do with it!

Does this mean every time I go out and drink until I throw up in a taxi that I can sue my employers for working me hard in the week, giving me two days off and then putting money in my pocket?!

Or would that be the barman's fault for not stopping me, or the brewer's fault for supplying too many bottles to the pub in the first place, or for making drinks with alcohol in them, or....you get my drift!

Regular visitors to this site will know how I feel about holding other people responsible for your own misfortunes, and this is just another one in the long line.

Trust me, I've seen the future - in ten years nothing will be your own fault, and we'll be genetically engineering low-IQ clones to walk the streets and take the blame for everything.

Of course, the scientists will have to work pretty hard to drop the clones' IQ below that of the people forcing us down this path.

What we ought to be doing is making clones that will hunt these idiots down and club them to death with their own legislation. Before it's too late!!

Royles Cleaned Up for US TV

The hit British comedy, The Royles, is to be cleaned up when it is re-made for US TV later this year. The new American version of the show will be a toned-down version of the uncouth comedy that features a northern family sitting around the television, eating junk food, smoking and swearing.

In fact The Kennedys, as it will be called, will feature no swearing and only minimum smoking.

The head writer of the pilot show for the CBS network, Maya Forbes, stated that the network would like the family to be very much like the British one, but that they have a few restrictions.

"You can't even say 'Jesus Christ!' on American network TV," she added. "There's smoking only if one of the characters makes a responsible comment about how bad it is, so we'll have to rely on junk food."

Ms Forbes has also not yet thought of a replacement for the lead character Jim's "my arse" catchphrase. "It's difficult to find something with bite that you can actually say".

It's An Outrage!!

How can US TV justify sanitising a programme like The Royles and purging all the stuff that makes it so funny, yet at the same time can produce and broadcast such brilliance as The Sopranos?

This Mob-family drama has bucketloads of sex, violence and bad language all in glorious, explicit detail. Yet a layabout slob can't say "my arse"??!

And who are they trying to protect by expunging the swearing and smoking? The gun-toting, crack-smoking, gang-running youth of their country? The same ones that run around shooting up their own schools?

Perhaps US TV should take a wider look at it's responsibilities and the positive part it could play in educating America's young minds.

A good start would be to try broadcasting something worth watching, instead of ripping the heart, soul and guts out of every sitcom they touch. The Royles without cussing and tabs?? I think I'd rather be out popping a cap in someone's ass...probably a Fox Network Executive's!!

The Sopranos Sued by Italian Group

An Italian-American organisation is suing the makers of drama series The Sopranos, claiming the show wrongly portrays the community as mobsters.

The Chicago-based American Italian Defense (sic) Association wants a jury to declare that the mob series offends the dignity of Italian-Americans.

The group is suing Time Warner Entertainment under the "individual dignity" clause of the Illinois constitution.

Broadcaster HBO said the company was "very proud" of the series. "We're hardly alone in our assessment that the show is an extraordinary artistic achievement," a spokesperson said.

But the group's attorney Enrico Mirabelli said: "This is like no family I know. I don't know Italian mothers, ever, who try to have their son killed. That's not realistic."

The association claims the series "suggests criminality is in the blood or in the genes of Italian Americans and that Italians as early immigrants to this country had little opportunity other than to turn to crime".

Last year, producers cancelled plans to film at a university in New Jersey after complaints from staff and students over its portrayal of Italian-Americans.

However, the programme continues to be a huge success, and last year was nominated for 18 Emmy Awards. The first episode of the third series drew 11 million viewers when it was shown on HBO. The series is shown in the UK on Channel 4.

I'm a huge fan of The Sopranos, and love every episode, but 'mannagge'! This is crazy!! IT'S A TV SHOW!!!!!!

It's An Outrage!!

By this group's reckoning, does that make all Seattle psychiatrist's crap at relationships? Or that all Boston lawyers are thin and neurotic? I don't think so.

The Sopranos simply depicts one set of American-Italians who are mobsters, and includes many others who are not (e.g., a restauranteur, two psychiatrists, a doctor, a painting contractor, a priest, a retirement community manager, a couple of teachers, three FBI agents, and so on...).

The reason we watch it is because it gives us a glimpse into the sexy, dangerous and yes glamorous lives of extraordinary people. If it was just about dreary, fatuous, two dimensional characters leading tedious, tiresome existences, it would be called EastEnders, and 20 million people would watch it.

And therein lies the biggest injustice of all...

Crack Addict Sues Suppliers

A California crack addict is suing his suppliers for $1 million, on the basis that they got him hooked and ruined his life.

Hmmmm - pinned him down and force fed him it did they? Put a knife to his throat and compelled him to sell all his worldly goods did they? Coerced him at gun-point to rob and steal and prostitute his girlfriend to feed his habit, is that how it was?

Or was it more a case of them asking him if he wanted some, and him saying Yes Please?

Now whilst I have no feelings of compassion towards drug dealers - I tend more towards scorching them from the face of the Earth - I grudgingly admit to being on their side on this one.

It's An Outrage!!

If this moron hadn't tried the stuff in the first place he wouldn't be in the situation he is now. And let's face it, the dangers of crack are hardly a well-kept secret are they? It's not like suppliers have promoted a positive image of the drug for forty years and subdued all the medical evidence to the contrary, unlike another well know, widely available, addictive and life endangering narcotic.

You never saw glamorous, sexy movie starlets or handsome, rugged cowboys indulging (Welcome to Crack Country...). I don't recall sports champions lifting a huge silver cup sponsored by Crack, or Formula One cars emblazoned with it's logo tearing round Monte Carlo.

It hooks everyone, and will kill you bit by bit. Even grannies and school kids know this.

So I can't really see what his case will be based on. "Please your Honour, I was a weak willed, feeble minded, easily lead, gullible, arrogant, no-hope loser, and then Big Boys came and took advantage of me. . ."

I say, "Excellent, well done, shame he didn't overdose". The more of these stupid washouts we can be rid of the better. Over here in Britain, we're even experimenting with releasing poisoned drugs onto the streets, cutting demand, crime and temptation in one easy step. Click here to see what I mean.

Too Much Censorship

Thanks to my brother, I've listened to and become quite a fan of the rapper Eminem.

His lyrics are often explicit and use violent phrases and images, although in just as many tracks he shows either his 'softer' side, or that his hard-core image is somewhat of a front.

Naturally, some of the words he uses are bleeped out of radio edits and on music channels like MTV and The Box, and I can understand this. Recently though, I've noticed a worrying trend to bleep out almost everything.

Take for example his latest release, Stan. It tells the story of an obsessive fan who writes repeatedly to Eminem telling how much he worships the star and how he identifies with him. As time passes and he receives no reply, he sinks deeper into madness, deluded that Eminem is ignoring him, and taking inspiration for his own actions from the rapper's music. Finally, he drives his car off a bridge with his pregnant girlfriend tied up in the trunk, killing them all.

The irony is, Eminem did get Stan's letters but has just been too busy to reply. When he does get round to it, he's asking Stan why he's so mad, and urges his to take care of himself and his girlfriend. He warns that some people do the most horrible things, like driving cars off a bridge with their pregnant girlfriends in the trunk. It's only then that he realises it's too late for a reply...

To me this is a great song and highlights that what Eminem says and does are two very different things, and we shouldn't belive everything on his albums.

On the radio or TV, words like S**t and F**k and Bi*ch are missed out, which is quite right - they are offensive to most people, especially when used 'gratuitously'.

But what about Ass? Is that really so bad? And the line in the song that goes "I'm doing ** on the freeway", where the bleeped word is 90? Will hearing this really encourage kids to drive too fast?

Also, try this for size; "Sometimes I *** myself just to see how much I *****, like adrenaline the ***is such a sudden **** to me" (Insert Cut, Bleed, Pain and Rush). Without this, you don't understand what a looper Stan is becoming. And let's face it, depressed kids who want to *** themselves will do it anyway.

Some edits I've heard miss out the whole reference to Stan's girlfriend being in the trunk, which kind of spoils the whole premise, especially as Eminem directly refers to it in the last verse.

But it goes further - I've noticed that logos and slogans on clothes are being blurred out now, not because they're offensive (which I'd agree with), but because they are brand names. Like Ad*das and N*ke and Chi*ago Bu*ls, and damaging stuff like that. Crazy!

It's An Outrage!!

We can't - and I don't believe we should - protect everyone from everything that they may find offensive in some way, and certainly not when it comes to children.

There's a whole big bad world out there that we're keeping a secret from them. Absolutely bleep out swearing on the radio, but a logo on a shirt? How's that going to help?!

To close on this one, let me go back to Eminem. A lot of people complain that his music promotes violence towards women, because two of his album tracks depict him killing his cheating wife and her lover. Women's groups in Canada tried to get him banned from the country.

I bet they'd let Tom Jones in though, and I bet they'd sing along at the top of their lungs to his timeless hits;Pussycat, Green Green Grass of Home, and Delilah.

Hmm, Delilah.... isn't that the one about Tom's lover cheating on him and their confrontation? The one that goes "I felt the knife in my hand, and she laughed no more".....?

Though so. D'ya see the irony now?

Where's Our Flood Aid?

Rainfall above twice the normal average and no let up in sight, 52 severe flood warnings in force, hundreds of householders evacuated from their homes, billions of pounds worth of damage done to livestock, property and buildings, livelihoods ruined.

India? South America? Eastern Europe?

Nope, this is Britain.

We're a country under a watery deluge at the moment, and things could get much worse.

But hang on a minute...where's our relief aid money? You know, the stuff we shovel over to just about every other country in the world by the bucketload the moment they hold out their begging cups.

Well, now we're in a spot of bother, and we'd like some of it back please - a bloody lot of it actually, if you don't mind!

Hmm, I can't actually hear anyone asking for it, let alone see anyone digging deep and coughing it up.

Am I being cynical? Are we a soft touch nation? Does anyone even give a toss about us unless they want something?

It's An Outrage!!

It's beginning to feel like we're the parents to a world full of teenagers; throwing good money after bad here, there and everywhere but getting nothing in return.

It's about time we started withholding privileges and smacking arses then...!!

Ridiculous Compensation Claim II

An unemployed Los Angeles man has filed a multi-million dollar lawsuit against pop group Duran Duran for endangering his life, after his telephone number was allegedly listed by them on the Internet by mistake.

Cornell Zachary, 57, claims the number was given out as being the one to call for tour details, tickets and souvenirs, and that as a result calls were coming in on a 24-hour basis from all over the world.

Zachary said his number was posted on the internet in July 1999, and although it was removed a few weeks later, he says that by that time he had already received "millions" of calls and was still being pestered.

In the action, he claims to have suffered "life-threatening high blood pressure episodes", together with nerve damage, sleep disturbance and permanent health problems. "They had me to the point where my doctor told me I could have a stroke." he is quoted as saying.

Interestingly though, despite being supposedly besieged day and night by the calls, Zachary insisted he never considered changing his number, saying;

"I didn't make the mistake. I had already had the number over a year. They have never even given me a sorry card, you know?"

Hmm... an unemployed 57 year old, who didn't consider changing his number, launches a multi-million dollar lawsuit. Can we all see a connection here??

Could it just be that Mr Zachary is just an over-the-hill, lay-about degenerate, who has seen the opportunity to make a quick buck on the back of someone else?

Could it be that, in the true spirit of the American litigious culture, he has glimpsed the prospect of getting rich without raising a single porky finger?

Should we have sympathy for him? NO!! Should he have unplugged his phone until the problem was sorted out? YES!! Is he a patient of Dr Nick Riviera the famous Springfield MD? Seems that way!!

Many people around the world have jobs, lives or problems that could be called dangerous to their health, and in most cases there isn't a single thing they can do about it. Having a constantly ringing phone isn't one of them.

If I were Duran Duran, I'd be tempted to settle this claim in nickels, and shove them one by one...

Want to know what the first Ridiculous Compensation claim was? Click here...

Want to hear how a pair of crap parents perpetuated this attitude? Click here...

Nike Advert Withdrawn

A barrage of complaints has forced American television network NBC to drop a Nike advert featuring a female Olympic athlete being chased by a hooded man with a chainsaw.

The advert, for Nike sports shoes, features the American 1500m runner, Suzy Favor Hamilton, spotting a man in a hockey mask about to attack her with a chainsaw. However, she runs off and maintains such a strong pace that the attacker collapses wheezing with exhaustion.

A caption at the end of the ad says: "Why sport? You'll live longer."

And yet this has been decried by a bunch of namby-pambies who seem to believe that this will compel men to dress up as 80's horror icons and chase women with excessively large and/or sharp garden tools.

NBC says it has received "adverse audience reaction" and has therefore dropped the advert.

It's An Outrage!!

Surely the VERY OBVIOUS point of the advert is that, by taking part in sport (as long as you have the appropriate footwear of course...) you can pretty much beat anything. Shouldn't that be congratulated for championing the cause of women? Or is that something that dullards just can't see??

We do not need to be protected from every image we see, as most of us have brains enough to tell the difference between a humourous advert aimed at selling fancy pumps and a rallying cry to maim another human being.

Nike's complimentary advert showing an Olympic cyclist, Lance Armstrong, resuscitating a collapsed circus elephant, along with the slogan: "Why sport? Healthy lungs." is still running.

Look out - here come the animal rights loonies to change all that!!

Challenger Tank Crews in Peril

It's been revealed that ammunition undergoing testing for the British Army's Challenger II tanks has a potentially deadly flaw.

The ammunition has a tendency to crack at low temperatures, causing corrosive and highly-explosive nitroglycerine propellant to seep out.

There have also been problems with the shells sticking in the gun barrels and damaging them, and test-firing at the Ridsdale range in Northumberland has left soot and debris in the gun barrel. Both of these things ruin the risk of incinerating tank crews.

To make matters worse, the propellant has been developed not by the Royal Ordnance's Bishopton plant in Renfrewshire, but by a company called Nitrochemie, which is German owned!

The Bishopton plant is the only UK factory producing shell propellant, yet it is due to close by May 2002 following the government's announcement that safe and alternative sources of supply were available overseas at a cheaper cost.

This is clearly not the case in this instance.

A Ministry of Defence spokesperson has said: "There is no question of the MoD allowing, or Royal Ordnance supplying, unsafe propellants to be used in service."

But if we allow our sources of supply go abroad, how can we be sure? In matters of warfare and defence, can we be absolutely certain that no extra 'features' are introduced to the products we are buying? If there's the slightest possibility that one of your customers may end up as your enemy, would it not be tempting to invest in a little insurance&ldots;?

It seems typically British to look around for the cheapest alternative and go for it, allowing our own industry and employment figures to decline. Instead, why don't we look to bring our own game up to scratch and keep our matters of National Security where they belong, i.e. at home.

We cannot afford to put our servicemen and women or national safety at risk just for the sake of penny pinching here and there;

It's An Outrage!!

Daphne & Celeste - You Ugly! Lyrics

Ok! I'm a cheerleader now!

[chorus]

U.G.L.Y.

You ain't got no alibi you ugly

Eh! Hey! You ugly (x4)

I saw you walking down the street just the other day

I didn't see your damage from that far away

I should have got a clue when the kids started screaming

You walked up to me with your buck teeth a gleaming

Your hair was all frizzy and your face was a mess

I thought it was a sack but it's your favourite dress

You hurt the trees feelings and the birds all flew

I don't mean to insult you

Oh wait! Yes i do.

Your teeth are yellow, they're covered in mould

You're only fourteen you look a hundred years old

When looks were handed out you were last in line

Your face looks like where the sun don't shine

Did you fall off a building and land on your head

Or did a truck run over your face instead

There ain't no pill cos you ain't ill

You're ugly!

U.G.L.Y you ain't got no alibi you ugly eh! Hey! You ugly (x2)

What you really need is to wear a mask

And book that plastic surgeon fast - (girl)

You're scary - you're hairy i heard about you

You're the main attraction at the city zoo

You're so fat and ugly with a belly full of flab

When you wear a yellow coat people shout out cab

(so funny)

You got eyes like a pig and your nose is big

And with hair like that you should be wearing a wig

Uncle fester remember him? I never knew that you had a twin

You can't disguise your googly eyes

In the miss ugly pageant you win first prize

Yo mama says you ugly -

You ugly!

U.G.L.Y you ain't got no alibi you ugly eh! Hey! You ugly (x2)

Get busy (x9)

Yo mama says your ugly

Get busy

Yo mama says your ugly

Get busy

Yo mama says your ugly

Get busy your ugly!

U.u.u.u.

Now i feel like blondie

U.G.L.Y you ain't got no alibi you ugly eh! Hey! You ugly (x2)

Quasimodo / camel breath / squarehead / ugly!

Chicken legs / pig face / chin like bubba / ugly!

Fish lips / toad licker / poindexter / ugly!

Spaghetti arms / limp butt / freak show -ugly!

U.G.L.Y you ain't got no alibi you ugly eh! Hey! You ugly

U.G.L.Y - you could make an onion cry

U.G.L.Y - like an alien chased by the FBI.

U.G.L.Y (x6)

U.G.L.Y you ain't got no alibi you ugly!

Daphne & Celeste Do It Again - You Ugly!

Can you believe it? My two favourite talentless, manufactured bimbos, Daphne & Celeste have released another song!!! Who'd have though that their record company would've stuck by them this long? Anyway, they're planning to storm back into the charts with their new number called "You UGLY".

Hmm, do I detect an emerging pattern here? Their last song was pretty much about throwing insults out to people less beautiful that themselves (and please note the heavy irony!). And now, not three months later, here they are again being heavier on the offensive slurs, lighter on the subtlety and just as clever with the well rounded backing track.

It's An Outrage!!

They are clearly the Devil's own creation and we should do all in our collective power to rid the pop world of their awful, excruciating drivel.

They also have a plan for success based on the fact that one of them is blonde (surely that's ginger..?) and one is brunette, plus one has boobs and the other has a good bum. Thus they are catering for all tastes. I don't know about you, that sounds more like a porn star's credentials to me...no mention of talent or hard work either I notice!

Dear Lord - who will save us...?

For their new lyrics and an insight to their latest musical genius, click here

Missed my kind words about their first single? Then click here